Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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