dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
