you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
