So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
