My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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