you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You are the jesus of drinking
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
