Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
