I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
