I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
