what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
