Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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