I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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