He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
