The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
