Heybabeimwearingurpanties
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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