bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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