she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
