Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
