I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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