My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
