he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
