Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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