i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
