So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize