when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
