just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
