it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
