Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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