I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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