i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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