omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
