THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
