We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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