Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
