shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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