Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
