last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think people are normalizing furries
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
