just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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