Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
