at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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