where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
