You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
they're like a gay fantastic four
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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