I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
did you just send me my own nude
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
