I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize