im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
