He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
