just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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