I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
