I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
