I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
