My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
