WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
