I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
