I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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