I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
