That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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