You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
