the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
