i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
