I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
