I hope mine doesn't look like that
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
