I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize