So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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