The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
