Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
